做恒溫器家長|清華附中國際部第十三期家長學校回顧

Oct 11｜ 第13期家長學校

10月11日，在清華附中培訓中心二層會議室，70多位國際部的家長如約而至，共同參與家長學校第十三期講座。本期講座聚焦家長自身，探討親子關系中的情緒管理和有效溝通這兩大問題。通常這也是家長們最感頭疼的兩件事。主講嘉賓陳開航老師通過理論和實戰的串講，給家長們上了內容豐富的一堂自我成長課程。聽課家長們反應熱烈，紛紛表示學到了很多的干貨，期待馬上回家就開始實操。

On October 11, more than 70 parents from THIS came to the conference room on the second floor of THIS Training Center to participate in the thirteenth lecture of Parent School. This lecture focused on parents themselves and explored emotional management and effective communication, the two major issues that parents feel most headache about in the relationships with their children. Ms. Chen Kaihang, the guest speaker, gave parents a rich self-development course with emphasis on both theoretical and practical aspects of these concepts. Parents responded warmly and said they had learned a lot of practical skills. They looked forward to putting them into practice at home soon.

1情緒管理

Emotional Management

講座分為三大部分。首先針對親子溝通中的情緒問題，開航老師提出了“要做恒溫器家長，不做溫度計家長”的倡議。基于腦神經科學的發現，開航老師幫助家長們認識到家長自身的情緒和行為會極大地影響孩子的情緒和行為（“鏡像神經元”）。

The lecture consisted of threeparts. Firstly, in terms of the emotional problems in parent-child communication, Ms. Chen put forward the proposal "to be a thermostat parent, not a thermometer parent". Based on brain research and neuroscience findings, Ms. Chen helped parents realize that parents' own emotions and behaviors can greatly affect their children's emotions and behaviors in the following ways.

1孩子需要的是回應(Response)和情感反映(Reflection)，而不是我們的反應(React)

Children need Responses and Reflections, not Reactions.

2孩子的情緒不是我們的情緒，我們的行為和情緒不需要跟著他們的升級

Children's emotions are not parents’ emotions, the behaviors and emotions of parents should not be influenced by their children.

3有控制的家長是恒溫器，失控的家長是溫度計

Parents with self-control are like thermostats, parents who are emotionally out-of-control are like thermometers.

4作為家長，要允許自己因為孩子的事情而有情緒。沒有人是完美的，是人都會犯錯，犯錯不要緊，但是在犯錯之后接下來做什么這一點才是重要的。

Parents should allow themselves to make mistakes when handling children's affairs. No one is perfect. Everyone makes mistakes. It is OK to make a mistake, but what to do next after making mistakes is very important.

5家長應當成為孩子情緒管理和調節方面的一個榜樣

Parents should be an example interms of emotion regulation andmanagement.

2有效溝通

EffectiveCommunication

在學習了情緒管理理論后，講座進入第二部分，即實戰方法的講授。針對親子溝通，開航老師向家長們介紹了兩種非常有效的方法，“反映性回應法”和“三步設限法”。

After learning the theory of emotional management, the lecture entered the second part: practical skills. Ms. Chen introduced two effective methods of parent-child communication "Reflective Response Method" and "Three-Step Boundary Setting Method".

反映性回應法

Reflective ResponseMethod

反映性回應法的目的是幫助家長走進孩子的內心世界，從而與孩子建立起更親密的親子關系。當家長“回應”（不是“反應”）孩子的情緒時，親子關系就拉近了，而關系越好，孩子越順服家長的引導。

Reflective Response Method can help parents enter their children's inner world and to establish closer relationship with them. When parents "respond" (not"react") to their children's emotions, the parent-child relationship can grow more intimate. The better the parent-child relationship is, the more likely the child will be to follow their parents’ guidance.

三步設限法

Three-Step Boundary SettingMethod

三步設限法旨在幫助家長為孩子設立健康的界限，達到有效溝通的目的。家長和孩子間經常因為設立界限問題而發生矛盾，最終陷入沒完沒了的辯論或者演變成為一場不歡而散的戰爭。三步設限法的第一步要求家長運用反映性回應法，首先確認孩子的感受和需求。第二步溝通明確的界限。最后一步提供家長和孩子都能夠接受的替代選擇。

The Three-Step Boundary Setting Method can help parents set reasonable boundaries for their children and to achieve the goal of effective communication. Parents and children frequently have conflicts over boundaries, as a result, fall into endless debates or pointless quarrels, leaving both feeling wounded and unhappy. The first step of Three-Step Boundary Setting Method is to use the Reflective Response Method to confirm children's feelings and needs. Then parents are suggested to set clear boundaries through communication in the second step, and finally parents could provide alternatives which are acceptable to them and their children.

3實際運用

Applications

在兩種方法介紹完畢后，開航老師帶領與會家長進行了實戰演練。每名家長都假設自己是一名在訓的學員，要把老師剛才教授的兩種方法在實際的親子互動情境中運用出來。開航老師對家長的現場表演進行了點評，經過這樣的演練，理論變成了實踐，家長們對兩種方法的原理的理解更加牢固，也增強了實操的信心。

After introducing the two methods, parents were invited to conduct a drill where they applied the two methods to real parent-child interaction situations. After practicing, parents gained a more solid understanding of the two methods, and they became more confident in the application of the two theories.

4家長反饋

Parents’ Feedbacks

陳老師的講座使我懂得了控制情緒的重要，以及一些很實用的控制情緒的方法。

Ms. Chen's lecture taught me the importance of controlling my own emotions and some practical methods of emotion regulation.

學習了很多概念：鏡像、共情，三步設限法等等。今天明確了三步設限法的內容和具體操作，回家就可以操練。

Very rewarding! I learnt mirror neuron, empathy, Three-Step Boundary Setting, and so on. Can’t wait to practice them at home.

今天學習到當孩子有情緒時，首先家長的情緒要平靜，才能幫助孩子。學到了具體可實踐的方法，非常受益!Today I learned that when children have emotions, parents should first be calm so as to help them. Plus, the practical methods are very beneficial!

講座中家長們深深感受到開航老師的專業功底和文化理解力，以及她作為一名學校心理咨詢老師對孩子和家長們的深切愛心。家長們滿懷感恩，感謝學校提供了這樣一個寶貴的學習機會。也特別期待開航老師在第十四期家長學校中與家長分享下一個話題。

During the lecture, parents were deeply impressed by the professional background and the cultural understanding of Ms. Chen. As the Primary Counselor, Ms. Chen deeply loves her students and keeps contact with parents. Parents are grateful to the school for providing such a valuable learning opportunity for them. They are also looking forward to attending the next lecture of Parent School.

第十四期家長學校報名通道已經開啟！

The 14th Parent School Registration Channel is open!

講座時間：11月1日13:30-15:00

Time: 13:30-15:00 on Nov 1st, 2019

講座地點：清華附中培訓樓二層會議室

Venue: conference room on the second floor of THIS Training Center

講座主題：做七十二變的成長型家長

Topic: Being a Growing Parent

主講人：陳開航

Speaker：Kaihang Chen

講座內容 | Content

不同年齡孩子的發展特點

The characteristics of children in different ages.

家長如何適應孩子在不同年齡階段的變化和需要

How do parents adapt to the changes and needs of their children in different ages?

怎么和不同年齡的孩子談自我保護

How to talk about self-protection with children of different ages?

怎么和不同年齡的孩子談論責任和愛

How to talk about responsibility and love with children of different ages?

怎么和不同年齡的孩子談論他們成長中的煩惱

How to talk with children of different ages about their growing pains

怎么幫助不同年齡的孩子處理好他們在學校和同學之間的關系

How to help children of different ages deal with their relationship with classmatesat school?

關于主講人

陳開航，是一位中英雙語心理咨詢師，也是一位經過專業訓練的、以兒童為中心的游戲治療師，現任清華附中國際部心理輔導老師。開航在北京出生和長大，美國范德堡大學碩士畢業，專攻學校心理咨詢專業，本科她畢業于中國人民大學，后赴美留學。因為在中美兩國的學習和生活經歷，她希望能成為溝通中西文化的橋梁，幫助學生在不同文化中自由游走，她在學校里既是孩子們的大朋友，也是他們的支持者，開航還和其他老師以及家長們密切合作，幫助學生在學校和生活中成為最好的自己。

Kaihang Chen is a bilingual counselor and a professional child-centered therapist. She works as a school counselor at THIS. Kaihang is born and raised in Beijing. She studied school counseling at the United States and graduated with a master degree from Vanderbilt University. She got her bachelor degree from Renmin University of China. Because of her education and working experiences in both America and China, she is willing to bridge the western and eastern culture and help her students to be free in different cultures. She enjoys her role as an advocator and adult friend for the children in the building.At THIS, Kaihang works closely with teachers and parents to help all the students meet their full potentials not only at school but also in their life.